Jack Whitehall and the Trustfund Hipsters Play Glastonbury

 

 

Jack Whitehall and the Trustfund Hipsters @ Glastonbury

 

What will the ‘Glasto’ moment of 2013 be? Mick Jagger cavorting on stage with a druken secretary from Cheam? Sir Bruce Forsythe dueting with Public Enemy on Sophisticated Bitch..? Discombobulate ripping the Dave Pearce tent a new one? Kenny Rogers Rascal, or George Osborne convincing Michael Evis that a few roads through his farm would ‘just about do the trick?’

 

Nope, none of the above. It’ll be Edith Long Bowmen interviewing Jack Whitehall and the Trustfund Hipsters, before they take to the Dermot-O’Dreary-X-Factor-Santander-O2 stage , in front of a VIP ‘invite-only’ audience of politicians, bankers, the landed gentry, BBC 2 wives, millionaires and a couple of wounded soldiers. Data charges will apply.

 

The band members play multiple instruments in live performances. Jack Whitehall foregoes his privileged Independent school upbringing at Marlboro Lights College and sits at a drum kit. The band uses bluegrass and folk instrumentation, such as banjo, upright bass, mandolin and piano, played with a rhythmic style based in alternative rock and folk. ‘These are possibly the instruments of our Father’s father’s fathers.’’  says Harry Zak Cooper-Porsha the bands bass player rather unconvincingly.

 

Much of Jack Whitehall and the Trustfund Hipsters lyrical content has a strong literary influence, their debut single, deriving from Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath. Rupert Benedict Fortisque, the bands guitarist has been quoted in interviews as saying, ‘We like totes relate to those sharecroppers, the Joads, in Grapes of Wrath being driven from their land in the book as our fathers too have lost money as shareholders. The storms of the dust bowl could be a metaphor for the storms we experienced as children if we didn’t pass grade 6 viola. The Battle Hymn of the Republic could almost be the song we walk on stage to, were it not for our choice of Dire Straits Money For Nothing’’.

 

The track Scotch Beef includes lines from the play ‘Glasgae Bhoys in the Hoody’, written by MC Ahreet Ya Bas, dealing with gang warfare on the streets of Govan. Jack Whitehall makes the connection with this and his father's beef farm in the highlands.

 

To be fair to them, though, the band are simply cultivating their own niche, even if it's obligatorily for them to hang up their instruments when it's time to take over their fathers business.

 

Jack Whitehall and the Trustfund Hipsters play Glastonbury on the 'Dermot-O’Dreary-X-Factor-Santander-O2 stage Saturday night and the  'Enver Hoxha Stage for self-managed, decentralised economy based upon autonomous self-regulating economic units and a decentralised mechanism of resource allocation and decision-making Stage' on Sunday night.

 

 

 

 

Discombobulate vs. Dead Mouse The Leet Prognosticator – ‘Visit Settle’

Discombobulate vs. Dead Mouse The Leet Prognosticator – ‘Visit Settle’

 

If UK dance music is about to become pop again, then this match made in heaven will surely lead the charge. Discombobulate’s rapid success in becoming one of the most talked-about dance acts in the country, and Dead Mouse The Leet Prognosticator’s ascent to the giddy heights of rave superstardom seem to have happened overnight. Both have ushered in a seismic shift in UK sugary-rushy-synthy-ravey-pop, without ever entering a club.

 

Frederick Discombobulate explains, ‘’Me and my bruv, Brandon were both working in McDonalds when a toddler accidently left their Speak and Spell Machine on the counter. We took the machine out on our fag break and started banging some sick shit out. One thing led to another and before we knew it we were dropping next level skills on a Teddy Touch and Tell machine, a Sinclair ZX-80, a Commodore 64 and an iRod’’.

 

When asked about their inspiration the duo are quite forthcoming, ‘’ We ain’t never been inside a club, bro. Can’t stand all those sweaty bastards jumping up and down looking like they’ve been electrocuted with Tasers, off their chops on yellow bentines, we’d rather stay at home and listen to Old School, like DJ Luck and MC Neat, and Craig David,  whilst playing Minecraft’’.  Brandon continues, ‘’As far as we’re concerned clubs are a waste of time. We ain’t party boys like Skrillo Pad and One Direction. I ain’t never heard of any of them names journalists always ask me about. Hacienda? That’s a type of burger innit? Zed Bias, a character from the Hobbit? Larry Levan, an actor in ‘enders, Ibiza, a type of motor, and Shoom, somewhere yer Granddad went  to pick up a bird and dance the samba, like wot they do on Strictly, innit?’

 

Dead Mouse the Leet Prognosticator’s identity has long been kept a secret from his fans. His oversized 1980’s Mouse head-shell cartridge mask shielding his face from prying eyes and dreadful theorising. Some assumed him to be the iconic rapper, Puffy Fetlock, others the Hungarian mime artist, Vinegar Bones; many believed him to be Roger Protz, the Trotskyite who escaped the ice pick to become one of the early founders of CAMRA, though most believed him to be Lips from Anvil attempting to forge (intended) a new musical direction without the cries of, ‘Play Long Stick Goes Boom, ya bastard!’ every night. 

 

Whoever Dead Mouse the Leet Prognosticator is however, it shouldn’t detract from the fact that along with Discombobulate, they have collaborated to produce a sophisticated piece of sugary-rushy-synthy-ravey-pop which will demolish hundreds of youth club discos all over the midlands. They borrow from all over the shop like a genre hungry moth trapped in a Light-emitting diode factory – their synths from drag, the snap of the snare from trap, the vocals from neo-shed, the beats from wriggle and the xylophones from plink.

 

Visit Settle starts with a woozy garridge beat, think Wookie on Quaaludes, before the sampled  pirate radio DJ voiceover  emotes, ‘Yo Visit Settle, Yo Yo Visit Settle, no finer place to put on the kettle….and have a brew’. . A mish-mash of dancey beats then come in and the biggest breakdown this side of Fry. It has elements of Discombobulate’s last album ‘Disambiguation’ alongside scatterings of Dead Mouse the Leet Prognosticator’s last 12”, ‘Airs and Graces in the Social Arena.’  It is a modern day trailblazing tune and catchy as hell.

 

But why the homage to the busy Yorkshire Dales market town of Settle? Is it a hot bed of sugary-rushy-synthy-ravey-pop fans out ‘til 11pm dancing inside melting pots of rampant abound?  Have the hardcore faces on the scene flocked there and put down their neo-roots? Brandon Discombobulate sets the record straight, ‘We often visit Settle with Dead Mouse the Leet Prognosticator. The Yorkshire Dales Falconry and Conservation Centre is next level shizzle. Malham Cove and Gordale  are sick, and Settle Play Barn is great for wet afternoons in the town.’

 

If UK dance music is about to become pop again, don’t miss this phenomenal cultural effect on dance music.

 

Visit Settle is out now

Working (Titles) For The Man.

'Working (Titles) For the Man'

 

Or :-

 

'''You’re Calling It What!!''   (Inadvisable Original Record Titles)

 

 

1.            Marvin Gaye – ‘Stick This Where the Sun Don’t Shine Berry Gordy’ (‘Here My Dear’)

 

2.            Bruno Mars – ‘Life on Mars’ – there isn’t, so ‘Unorthodox Jukebox’

 

3.            Peabo Bryson and Roberta Flack – ‘Tonight I Sellotape My Glove To You’. Peabo’s bizarre love token to Roberta was taken as an affront to personal facial space and altered. (‘Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You’)

 

4.            Femi Kuti – ‘Another DJ Comfort Break Meander’ ‘Shoki Shoki’

 

5.            Radiohead – ‘Irk the Stadiums’. Vast swathes of fans with blinkered tastes didn’t need this title to realize that Kid A wasn’t another Ok Computer. (‘Kid A’)

 

6.            Orbital – ‘The Slap-heads On the Door’. Brothers Hartnoll tried to demonstrate that there was always a humourous Goth element to their bleeps and squonks. (‘Snivilization’)

 

7.            David Bowie ‘Some Hipster Bastard’s Defaced Heroes!’  ‘The Next Day’

 

8.            The Stone Roses – ‘Led Zep VII’ ('The Second Coming of Jimmy Page' was also muted at one point)

 

9.            Joss Stone – ‘Some Whack Cornish Shit’. Premonitions of a future Mobo made Ms Stone believe in this working idea of a title.

 

10.          Babyshambles – ‘Just Say No’. Pete couldn’t, but the record company could. (‘Down In Albion’).

 

11.          JLS – ‘Pneumonia, Dysentery, Bronchitis and Trenchfoot’. JLS’s inadvisable concept album alerting kids to the dangers of First World War soldier’s afflictions was soon canned by the syrup police. (‘Outta This World’).

 

12.          Phil Collins – ‘Bring Me The Head Of My Local Painter and Decorator’. ‘No Jacket Required’ sounded less bitter from this diminutive Swiss tax-exile. 

 

13.          Coldplay – ‘Bedwetting Bondage Fans Of The world Untie’. Chris Martin’s self-depreciation fell on deaf ears at the record company.

 

14.          Miles Davis – ‘A Kind Of Album Even Non-Jazz Fans Will Like'. Davis’ gift for clairvoyance was still ignored for, ‘A Kind of Blue’.

 

15.         Daft Punk – ‘We Should Be So Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky’.  ‘Random Access Memory’. 

 

16.          Arab Strap – ‘Caledonian Alky Drone Poems’. (‘Here We Go’)

 

17.          Elastica – ‘The Bootleg Stranglers’. (‘Connection’).

 

18.          Dave Pearce – ‘Flogging A Dead Horse 27’. (‘Funky House Anthems 27’).

 

19.          Sting – ‘Insufferable Tantrik Blue Navel Tendril Floss’ (‘The Soul Cages’)

 

20.        One Direction – ‘Tucked up In Bed, with Milky Drink and Sudafed’ ‘Up All Night’

 

21.          Oasis – ‘Look Gak in Anger’.. Self-important and deep within the K-hole the brothers Gallagher were advised that the new album should be retitled; ‘Standing on the Shoulder of Giants’

to detract from the fact that it was definitely no Definitely Maybe. How wrong they were.

 

22.         U2 – ‘Achtung! Bongos!’ Larry Mullen’s Percussive Concept Album recorded in Düsseldorf found no support amongst the rest of U2. (‘Achtung Baby’).

 

23.         Dido – ‘Dildo’. Post-Modernist pranks aplenty as the queen of bland misses the irony somewhat. (‘Life For Rent’)

 

24.      George Michael – ‘Gobble Gobble Gobble’. ‘Outside’ was a far more preferable title for Sony.

 

25.  Fish – ‘Vigil In A Wilderness Of Mirrors’ (‘Vigil In A Wilderness Of Mirrors’).

Electric Stag June