Working (Titles) For The Man.

'Working (Titles) For the Man'

 

Or :-

 

'''You’re Calling It What!!''   (Inadvisable Original Record Titles)

 

 

1.            Marvin Gaye – ‘Stick This Where the Sun Don’t Shine Berry Gordy’ (‘Here My Dear’)

 

2.            Bruno Mars – ‘Life on Mars’ – there isn’t, so ‘Unorthodox Jukebox’

 

3.            Peabo Bryson and Roberta Flack – ‘Tonight I Sellotape My Glove To You’. Peabo’s bizarre love token to Roberta was taken as an affront to personal facial space and altered. (‘Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You’)

 

4.            Femi Kuti – ‘Another DJ Comfort Break Meander’ ‘Shoki Shoki’

 

5.            Radiohead – ‘Irk the Stadiums’. Vast swathes of fans with blinkered tastes didn’t need this title to realize that Kid A wasn’t another Ok Computer. (‘Kid A’)

 

6.            Orbital – ‘The Slap-heads On the Door’. Brothers Hartnoll tried to demonstrate that there was always a humourous Goth element to their bleeps and squonks. (‘Snivilization’)

 

7.            David Bowie ‘Some Hipster Bastard’s Defaced Heroes!’  ‘The Next Day’

 

8.            The Stone Roses – ‘Led Zep VII’ ('The Second Coming of Jimmy Page' was also muted at one point)

 

9.            Joss Stone – ‘Some Whack Cornish Shit’. Premonitions of a future Mobo made Ms Stone believe in this working idea of a title.

 

10.          Babyshambles – ‘Just Say No’. Pete couldn’t, but the record company could. (‘Down In Albion’).

 

11.          JLS – ‘Pneumonia, Dysentery, Bronchitis and Trenchfoot’. JLS’s inadvisable concept album alerting kids to the dangers of First World War soldier’s afflictions was soon canned by the syrup police. (‘Outta This World’).

 

12.          Phil Collins – ‘Bring Me The Head Of My Local Painter and Decorator’. ‘No Jacket Required’ sounded less bitter from this diminutive Swiss tax-exile. 

 

13.          Coldplay – ‘Bedwetting Bondage Fans Of The world Untie’. Chris Martin’s self-depreciation fell on deaf ears at the record company.

 

14.          Miles Davis – ‘A Kind Of Album Even Non-Jazz Fans Will Like'. Davis’ gift for clairvoyance was still ignored for, ‘A Kind of Blue’.

 

15.         Daft Punk – ‘We Should Be So Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky’.  ‘Random Access Memory’. 

 

16.          Arab Strap – ‘Caledonian Alky Drone Poems’. (‘Here We Go’)

 

17.          Elastica – ‘The Bootleg Stranglers’. (‘Connection’).

 

18.          Dave Pearce – ‘Flogging A Dead Horse 27’. (‘Funky House Anthems 27’).

 

19.          Sting – ‘Insufferable Tantrik Blue Navel Tendril Floss’ (‘The Soul Cages’)

 

20.        One Direction – ‘Tucked up In Bed, with Milky Drink and Sudafed’ ‘Up All Night’

 

21.          Oasis – ‘Look Gak in Anger’.. Self-important and deep within the K-hole the brothers Gallagher were advised that the new album should be retitled; ‘Standing on the Shoulder of Giants’

to detract from the fact that it was definitely no Definitely Maybe. How wrong they were.

 

22.         U2 – ‘Achtung! Bongos!’ Larry Mullen’s Percussive Concept Album recorded in Düsseldorf found no support amongst the rest of U2. (‘Achtung Baby’).

 

23.         Dido – ‘Dildo’. Post-Modernist pranks aplenty as the queen of bland misses the irony somewhat. (‘Life For Rent’)

 

24.      George Michael – ‘Gobble Gobble Gobble’. ‘Outside’ was a far more preferable title for Sony.

 

25.  Fish – ‘Vigil In A Wilderness Of Mirrors’ (‘Vigil In A Wilderness Of Mirrors’).